Guys and gals… I know it’s difficult, but please don’t honk at me.
So here’s the deal. Today was the first time I attempted a walk/jog around my new neighborhood. Some of you know Atlanta but for those of you who don’t, there are areas you want to walk around in and then there are areas you don’t. No biggie. The area we moved to is a little sketch, but basically “middle of the road” and so I decided what-the-hey, grabbed my “vicious” pitbull and decided to walk after work!
Within my 30 minute walk (I have no clue the distance – first time, remember?) I got honked or yelled at 11 times. Now, to paint the picture, No… I was not wearing 4 inch heels, a mini-skirt and a come-hither stare… I was walking in track pants (the windbreaker kind, not even the smexy yoga ones), tennis shoes, a loose-fitting tank top and my wedding ring bling. I had headphones on. I avoid eye-contact and look at my dogs booty the whole time so she doesn’t kamikaze into traffic and I have a random, wild monologue as I sweat and wish I wasn’t sweating…
A snippet of Courtney’s exercise inner monologue…
Ok! It is time to walk-OFF this butt… no one likes a big butt.
Well, a lot of people like big butts… but it doesn’t matter because I don’t – so off it comes.
Ella’s got a big butt, but it’s cute on dogs. Not me.
I love walking! Why don’t I do this more ofte–OHGOD I AM SWEATING!!!!
I HATE sweating… It itches and I stink and I have to do more laundry.
Laundry really is like “The Neverending Story” for adults…
As SOON as I am done walking, I need to do laundry – I am out of pants to wear at work.
If I lost some weight, I would have better pants to wear to work. Pants I LIKE.
WAIT- Tomorrow is FRIDAY! JEANS DAY!!! NO LAUNDRY TONIGHT!!!
And it’s payday, but all that money is already gone. Because bills suck.
Seriously, being an adult is hard.
So is exercising— I am jealous that Ben found an exercise he loves and is GOOD at.
I am SO out of shape and stink at running. Ok – no more cookies.
I already bought Oreos – and I made Maple Bacon Cookies – so I have to finish both of those off because children are starving somewhere and THEN no more cookies.
Who thinks of Maple Bacon cookies? I mean, they are awesome, but who decided Bacon was so in?
Someone should have thrown Canada a bone and made Canadian Bacon “in”.
Ewww…. unmarked white van. Seriously…. why do they keep MAKING THEM?!
Everyone knows only murderers drive them! I’ve watched my fair share of Law and Order, ahthankyou!
Where the deuce am I??!?! OH GOD… I’M LOST!!!! Oh, no I’m ok.
What was I thinking?? Oh yeah, Bacon.
Now I ask you, does that sound like the musings of someone who is out there, trying to get your attention??? A chick out on the prowl, lookin’ for a good time? I just don’t get it.
At one point, a van with 2 dudes drove past me and and yelled “YEEEEEAH, SHAKE THAT!!!” I was standing at an intersection. I wasn’t even MOVING. Come on guys, at least work with what I give you. “YEEEEEAH, GOOD JOB STAAAAANDING!!!” might have even gotten you a smile, although I probably would have disguised it as a terrified scream.
At what point in the walk is a reasonable time to start panicking and assuming the next person who drives by you will stop and shove you into the back of that unmarked white van?! Cause I gotta admit, it escalates there pretty dang fast for me. I WAAAANT to love our new home and our new neighborhood but people, this is not the way to do it.
Some of you may be assuming I am a supyr Womyn Powyr… person. I assure you, I am not. I like the fact I get paid the same amount as a dude and I love to vote, but I also love it when people hold doors open for me. I wear skirts. I expect boys to pay for dates. And someday when I shove out little humans, I want to stay at home with them as long as I possibly can and I totally consider being a stay-at-home-mom one of the coolest, most fulfilling jobs out there.
I just don’t want someone to look at me and within 1-2 seconds, decide that they “likey” and break my walking coma by scaring me and my dog with several loud honks or a gross yelling rant. I mean… is that too much to ask???
So guys (or girls), next time you see me or some other poor soul out there, just trying to walk off their “oh-god-why-is-atlanta-so-hot-I-guess-I’ll-wait-5-months-to-exercise” butt, don’t honk. You may think you are helping, but I think I can speak for at LEAST 80% of people out there who just want to get through their exercise and go home and eat. I mean, look at that inner monologue! Nothing sexy there! Except maybe the Maple Bacon cookie part.
Save those horns for Atlanta traffic. Cause goodness knows, everyone USES THEM NON-STOP HERE!!!!! 🙂 xo – Court
ga(‘create’, ‘UA-55380080-1’, ‘auto’);